Me and Facebook and Everyone I Know

First off- I'm a clinical depressant...depressionist? I have clinical depression. I get bummed out a lot. I've been looking for ways to make me not bummed out, and I do go to therapy and take pills and all that jazz, but sometimes they don't work and so I keep looking for ways to be not bummed out.

Recently, I decided that I would "be weird" on Facebook, and post one shot jokes. The first thing I did was pretend I was a bear. I made "honey" an interest and "scratching my back on tree trunks" as a favorite activity and the Berenstain Bears part of my family. Some people went along with it, and some thought it was too weird, but whatever. I thought it was funny.

Now I'm just making more one shot jokes, making everyone's news feed cluttered with my posts. Stuff like, "Paul Bear Vance has updated his relationship status to: TEAM EDWARD" and pretending I was in a relationship with Facebook itself, and that it was leaving me and that I didn't care because it gave only sub-par back scratches and asking questions like, "Are YOU superbass?" and answering them like, "Oh nevermind. It turns out it's Nicki Minaj. She's so brave."

It's all very stupid, but it's all stuff that I think is funny. If I think it's funny, I'll put it on Facebook. Some people seem to be worried ("Are you okay?"). Some just confused ("So what are you doing?"). Some, and and most  concerning to me, annoyed as hell ("Shut up, Paul. You're posts are so stupid! I'm going to stop being your friend!")

What's concerning (well, not concerning but just weird) to me is that even on Facebook there seems to be social norms. How to behave, what you're allowed to do, what's acceptable, whatever. It's just strange. The internet is where I want to get away from all of that.

And that brings me to my biggest worry of the past few days. I love doing this. Acting weird on Facebook has made me happier than any drug I've tried has. I don't know what it is. Maybe it's because I feel safer being weird on the internet than in real life. I have created another identity there. One that has still a part of myself in it, but not my typical anxiety-fill, self-conscious, depressed self. I'm wondering if I'm just running away from really getting better. I'm not sure. Just been a worry recently.

But for right now, Facebook is therapeutic, up is down, I can taste purple and see radio waves.