Jenson's Day is about Jenson and his day. (Thank you, thank you.) But seriously, Jenson is a grown man who seems to have contempt for most of his surroundings.
I think the dialogue in here is really good. (You're very good with dialogue in general.) I like how his boss tells Jenson to make the TV shut up. And the way Jenson looks at things are very well done and funny, too. I particularly like the line, "...he cleared his throat, pushing the nonsense to his lips." I also really like how unaware the boss is about almost everything.
While these things are good, I kind of don't know what the story is about. I know you are trying for sparse, succinct writing, and it works when you want to detail how a person is thinking or what they think of other people. What isn't quite working with the sparseness is the idea of the story. Are we supposed to believe that Jenson really seems okay with his life (as I assumed with the ending)? What do all of these characterizations have to do with the story as a whole? I think that that is what needs to be worked on next. The characterizations themselves? You got that covered.
No comments:
Post a Comment