Where to Start?

This is a bout Darroll, a sheltered kid, who finally decides to do his own thing and break out from his parent's grip.

I really like what you're doing with his room and the dinosaur wallpaper. It characterizes what kind of family this is. I remember looking at my room at ten years old and thinking, "I'm too old for this." The voice is also well written. Very clear and concise. The story flows very well, too given all that's going on. Granted there seems to be a lot going on at first, and I was wondering where all of it was going, but it all came together in the end.

I think there needs to be more to establish his life as the sheltered kid though. Everything is too general as it stands. Instead of saying, "I got used to the, 'No this' and 'stop thats,' " you should say something like, "I wasn't allowed to get a drink of water without my mother pouring it in the glass for me," or something like that. Right now we just get how he feels about being sheltered without the concrete details of his life. Getting these specific details will get your readers to sympathize more with Darroll.

Also, I think there needs to be more to justify Darroll's sudden change. He doesn't seem to be totally engaged in going to public school because he's easily distracted by his grandpa's car. So it gave me a sense that he didn't really care to get out of the house or not. So his change didn't seem totally earned to me. I think we need another instance when he tries to get out of the house and really means it.