Robert's "A Different Place"

I think it's very interesting that both of your stories involve a terrible that should have killed everyone involved.

"A Different Place" is a terrible wreck that happened in Liberia, half a world away from the narrator. He learns more and more what happened as his family and friends come back from Liberia. At the end we get a sentence that implies (?) that the narrator blames himself for what happened.

Anyway, I think your story has many interesting potentials for stories (I don't think the character changes throughout the piece). Seeing a father, who you once thought invulnerable, being extremely open and showing weakness, and realizing who your father really is is a subject I have a soft spot for.

Also the idea of someone blaming a terrible accident that happened somewhere across the world on themselves is also an interesting thing to delve into.

But none of those things are particularly given any time. We get a sentence about how his father was "a man that has shown [him] through some of the toughest times and now he's on a bed, helpless." I thought that was a really interesting thing, but that's all we get. I think you should delve more into that.

We also need the relationships of the characters established early on. I was wondering who Miss Stephanie, Robin, Nicole, Kate, Derrick were to the narrator. Aunt, cousins? We do get that Stephanie is his step mom, but that's it.

So I think you have potentials for interesting stories, but you aren't quite there yet.