29 February 2012

Kids (Holy crap, have you seem the movie "Kids?" It's upsetting.)

Kids is about one girl (Jenny) observing the other girls at a church camp. Some pretend to be older than they are and some actually seem older and have the experience of older girls. Jenny around the same age, but nonetheless, they all seem much older than the protagonist.

As of the good stuff:

I think what comes across really strong in this piece is the sense of chaos. You did a great job at conveying that at the beginning of the story by making all of these different actions go on at the same time. It's also funny (I especially like the bit about the girl shaving her legs on her own bed).

I also really like the setting. I do think you need to make clear where everything is taking place very, very soon though. If you tell us at the very beginning, then we would know the relationship between these kids and Miss Caroline just as quickly. But, yeah, the church camp setting is a very funny one. I really like the bit where the kids comment on the sermon.

As for the suggestions:

I think you need to change Jenna's name though, because it sounds too much like Jenny's.

I don't think Jenny changes enough in the story. She notices the behaviors of the other kids and we don't really get a sense on how their behaviors change her or if they do at all. I think we need to know what kind of effect these "adult" behaviors have on Jenny.

One more thing: how old is Jeremy? Is he a counselor hitting on a 12-year-old? I got this weird vibe from him.

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