Beyond the Line

Your story is about Major Issac Adler and his time/decisions/conflicts in the war in Iraq. He wants to get back to his wife, but feels like it's his duty to be part of the war. (It didn't seem like he was exactly forced to go. When he says he has no choice I took that as his sense of duty was so strong that he couldn't make any other decision.) There is another conflict when he refuses to fire missiles at a camp of insurgents near a school. But he stands by his sense of morality this time around, which trumps his duty and gets kicked out of the military.

I think the best thing about your story is how is flows. It flows very well! I actually think that getting a good flow in your story is a very hard thing to do. Your story didn't go on for too long and I didn't feel like it needed more. It seemed like the right amount.

You did a very good job at explaining the mission as well. I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to understand what these guys were actually doing because I'm not very good with military jargon/strategies/and things, but I knew what was going on the whole time.

I think the ending, though, gets very preachy. I'm mostly talking about Issac's last speech. It sounded like some After School Special: Military Edition to me. We understand everything that Issac is going to say due to everything we read before, but we get a speech anyway that tells us The Lesson explicitly.

I also had a personal problem with the ending. The main conflict in the story to me was that he wanted to get back to his wife and he does. But I think in a completely wrong way. I don't know. I feel like this story is getting very close to saying something like, "Hey, if you want to go home, just disobey orders and everything will be fine." Now that's not saying that Issac made the wrong decision in disobeying his specific order (It was the right decision), but still his reward at the end of the story is not only going back home, but a trial and possibly a discharge...(The discharge is set up as being a direct way to his reward is what I'm getting at.) Do you know what I mean? I know that this story shows a very specific moment, but I think stories speak further than just their specific moments. And as it stands on the page, I feel like it's getting very close to a message that even Issac would be wary of telling.

This makes me sound like I advocate killing civilians and children, doesn't it?

Now after the workshop, I feel better about the whole thing!