This is a story about a boy (the voice makes him sound slightly younger than an experienced adult, like an 18 year old) who gets robbed and gets the courage to fight back and run away.
What I liked about this piece was it's humor. It can be very funny. The "it is difficult to be properly intimidated" so he gets angry is a funny and interesting reaction to robbers scratching their ass. "Wants me to have an excellent home invasion experience," is funny as well.
The humor creates a problem though and I think it's a problem with voice. I can't grasp who the character really is. The long sentences detailing the events indicated that he is terrified. He seems truly traumatized in the first full paragraph on page four. But then while all of that stuff is going on, he'll give out some funny observation that undermines the sense of trauma.
On page four after the paragraph I mentioned, there is a bit where the narrator says, "I think that maybe he does not appreciate the gravity of this particular situation" and it's a funny thing to think about after someone has just been shot, but for that to come after a paragraph detailing how terrified the narrator is, this sentence just comes across as weird. I feel like there are two psychologies going on with the narrator. This piece would really stand out if you found a way to make this humor and trauma blend into one unique voice, but as it stands, it's sounds like two.
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