A piece about a women whose mother is deaf and has dementia. There is a small conflict between both of them on whether the mother has taken her pills or not.
There is some really wonderful images here. I love the detail that the mother could read lips on people she knew well better than those she didn't know well. The bit on how she retained her muscle memory was also very impactful for me.
I think that this piece isn't a full story yet, though, and just a bunch of bits. There is no real progression, just some instances (that are good) that detail the dementia. How does her mother's dementia actually change Connie? She says that she's taken care of sick people for 25 years, and she's still taking care of a sick person during this piece. What does Connie want? She seems a little bummed out (and with good reason), but she also seems content. You need to make Connie discontent about something. There needs to be a bigger conflict other than whether or not her mom took her pills that day or not. We need a conflict that is central to Connie's character, and right now there is none.
Maybe Connie tries way too hard to make her mother remember everything. She tries to force her mom's disease into submission, and is unable to do so, but keeps at it anyway. Something like that.
(My friend, whose family has a history with dementia, once said that if she would put a bottle of poison on a mantle piece with a note that said, "If you don't remember what is in this, then drink it," just in case she got dementia.)
Oh wow, I just totally ended on a downer didn't I?
No comments:
Post a Comment