Brotherly Love

This is a song from a movie about having to let go of more traditional things. (It's actually very tragic, but I still thought it fit with your story.) Is it weird that I like to post a song on these? I don't know, whatever.

What I loved about your story is the chemistry between the family members. It felt like they had actually lived with each other for a long time. They are going through the motions. They know each other and respond like they do. You did a really great job with that. I particularly liked the scene where Samantha throws the package of bandages to William and they have this sarcastic exchange.

I feel that the story is pretty top heavy, though. It's page seven until we get to any real conflict. I think you can either trim the stuff before (which to me is important, setting up the relationships, etc, however the wall of accomplishments can probably go), or you can make all of the stuff before even more important to the story. I think that if you emphasized William's love for his family even more, it will make the decision to move have higher stakes. Job or family? Because in the end, it really is his decision to make and not his brothers.

The ending didn't work for me because I didn't know who Leslie was. All I know is that she proposed something and that they know the two brothers. You definitely need to flesh her out more in my opinion.

Because the chemistry you created between the family members is so good, I think, in further revisions you need to make the central conflict surround that and not just tradition (which is what I think it is on the page now).